I've been wanting to write for a couple of weeks now, and when I logged in I was surprised to see that it only has been over a month since I wrote last. It feels like much longer!
This Summer, this year, has been something else and I'm already exhausted just barely past the halfway mark of the year. The stores are putting out their Halloween and Fall items, and the resale shop that I work at is switching over to putting out Winter clothing. All while we've had 90 degrees days. It's just so hard for me to even want to TOUCH a sweater right now. 😬
Woodchuck continues to excel in his shoulder surgery recovery and we meet back up with his surgeon tomorrow to see how progress is going. Me? My fixed shoulder has something going on with it. It started as a painful tight pinching feeling and now has progressed to numb fingers and forearm and a sore tricep at times. I'm still continuing to do all of my therapy at home for my shoulder and hip and pelvic floor muscles. I went from working two jobs 6 days a week to an abrupt departure from the seasonal full-time job on July 19th.
Long story short, we were being treated very, very badly by our boss. I was spending days out in the field crying, my co-workers were calling off and morale was in the dumps and we were becoming scared of the boss. One on one talks with her failed to change the treatment and after one explosive (the boss) morning, I tried to remove myself from the property and situation and she prevented me from leaving. I tend to learn my lessons the hard way. I tend to stay too long in unhealthy situations. I had a plan to take care of my family. I reminded myself every day that the job was temporary and that I could do this! Until I just couldn't anymore. Until it got so bad and I felt so accosted, that I had to walk away from nearly the only income I have. The job at the resale shop is one day a week right now, and she was not willing to give more hours at this time
So, because I was so physically trashed and mentally and emotionally drained, Woodchuck and I decided that I would take a couple of weeks off to recover before jumping back into full-time work. Because myself and my co-workers all left the job at the same time, we missed out on significant income and what was our only or main incomes. That means I didn't have the amount of money saved up for our sons tuition that I thought I would have at this point. Plus, there was an issue in the business office and the raise I was supposed to have been given was not enacted and I had to send emails about that today as well. There's much more to it, but there are some investigations happening into the situations we had to put up with, and I don't want to say too much until it's all said and done.
The purpose of this anyway was to voice my frustration with humans right now. And with myself. I really liked my co-workers, and now that we don't see each other every day and we've had to quickly switch gears, it's been a bit harder for us to stay in touch with each other. That's pretty much how it goes, right? Out of sight, out of mind. Eventually more and more time will pass between correspondences and before you know it I won't hear from them again unless I initiate it and some times not even then. People are busy, don't you know?
We had so many deep conversations out there in nature, while learning about and nurturing what was growing around us. I am so grateful for the time I had there with them, and all of the things that I learned that I can put to use out on our land. I made a comment to my co-worker that I worked with often that I often see the good things in people, and eventually get burned by the bad things in them. And this situation ended up being no different. But I was me through and through and I was hardworking and kind and patient. That is never a loss.
It struck me though one day while I was out in the pumpkin and squash patch that humans act like they are so superior. Who are we, really, to make some of the decisions that we do? I was thinning the squash plants and then doing a stand count of what was left. These plants were not little, these plants were very large and established and it killed me to pull any of them. I even outwardly verbalized my apologies to them! Here they did exactly what they were supposed to do, and they were beautiful and strong! And because there was one too many, I had to pull it. We do that with each other too, don't we? Critique and judge appearances and then decide who stays and who goes. It's all very sad in my opinion. I do understand the importance of thinning, but to have waited that long while they plants grew happily together, forming bonds that we probably can't even comprehend, and then to be hauled out of the ground and tossed aside. It just smacks wrong.
My knees, ankles and toes are still deeply bruised and most times I can't squat down to ground level now because of the pain in my knees from several hours a day crawling around on the ground, or a handful of hours standing and squatting and bending at the knees non-stop. Woodchuck and I are spending some much needed time together while I am trying to heal. We went to the movies one day in the late morning, we went to the fair and stayed for 6 hours! I think that's the most fun we've had at the fair since the kids were little! We saw a Midget Wrestling show while there and then last week we went to the lake and it was so calm and beautiful and quiet that we played frisbee in the water and I practiced swimming since I haven't done much of that since my shoulder surgery three years ago. One day after I dropped him off at physical therapy, I went for a walk with a co-worker at my part-time job and then went to a park that I played at a lot as a child. I cried and cried while walking under the trees that have been there since I played there and I wondered if they remembered me. We've also been focusing on our art and getting ready for the Bizarre Bazaar! It's been scary financially, but we are doing fun things together that don't cost a lot and we are having a great time together and that is just as important to me! 💕
All we've done at the land along the way is mow. Woodchuck directs the youngest on the tractor while I pick up garbage and walk around to check on everything. It's been too hot to want to work outside in that capacity right now, and on the days that we were there it was raining and I couldn't do any of the cutting and treating of the invasive plants anyway. But the youngest will be going back to college in a couple of weeks, and I will be starting a new full-time job, and soon after (at the end of the month) Woodchuck will be released to go back to work himself. Before we know it, we will be working on the land in the same capacity as before and making progress again. I remind myself that we are doing what we can, and that's all that any of us can ask.
So in spite of all of my sadness and disappointment in how the plan for the Summer went down in flames, life carries on and we make the best of what we have. I am always proud of the efforts I make to take care of my family and I am grateful that I have them. 💗
