Before I get to the met goal that caused the title of this post, you have to sit through all of adventures that happened leading up to it! Things are moving along in almost all ways, whether we see it or not. Things will happen in their own time, no matter how fast or slow, or not at all, that we want them to.
With my procedure date coming up fast, there were some things that I wanted to get done because I had no idea what to expect from recovery. I know they told me that I could go back to business as usual, but I've heard that one before! So before the tree got any bigger, we made it out to the land to cut down the young Callery Pear. The hardest part for me in plant and tree identification is how they look so different in various stages of growth. Some things I have to leave longer because I only know for sure what it looks like as an older growth. I am hoping to get better, and faster, about identifying things....especially the invasives! But that reddish brown bark with speckles and some striation, those thorns, those leaves with the red trim and a bit of a ruffled look? Callery Pear and it's gotta go!
We went from intense storms to forecasted rain that never came even though I held off doing a lot of things outside while waiting for it! I'm going to need a few days of no rain and low humidity soon so I can stain the deck again. That will be a fun party of one. 😂 This particular storm blew through in just minutes. A bit of small hail, crazy wind, horizontal rain and then gone.
After a recent online conversation with an acquaintance who's a Psychologist, I was telling him how I am looking for something in people that I just can't find. No judging, no snarky, no treating me poorly. I'm looking for a like minded village, friends who want to spend time with me and treat me well. He asked what I could do to get that ball rolling? Just so happened that a group pops on my Facebook that is a fishing group but they were dealing with cleaning up some waterways and fishing spots. Sounded right up my alley! Maybe this was how I get the ball rolling? I was not familiar with the area it was in, but I thought I might have an idea of where it was. I asked about parking, they posted an aerial shot of a parking lot right at the location. Well, I ended up going back and forth with myself that morning about if I should go. My stomach was really messed up, and with gas prices, I didn't feel like I should be making unnecessary road trips. It was that kind of event where you could come and go whenever you needed to, so I did some housework, and thought, "Nothing will change if I keep doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. Maybe this will be what I am looking for!"
So I headed out, though after the event had started.....and it was absolutely not where I thought it was going to be. It was much farther away, lol. My fault for not being damn sure. So I finally found it, and yes, there was a little parking lot. LITTLE. And one way in, one way out, and because everyone parked at an angle, it was fun times trying to get out of that tiny thing with all of the long trucks. But it was also fun trying to get into the parking because of all of the HOLES in it. I grabbed the last parking spot, checked in, grabbed a bag, and the gal pointed behind her and said the guys are down there already.
I was overdressed and getting overheated already, but luckily could lose a layer and maybe be comfortable. The area was overgrown and the trail wasn't marked clearly. There seemed to be a main walk, but then there were little deer paths that would shoot off of that, and I was just hoping that I was heading the right away. I could hear a chainsaw, but I couldn't tell the direction it was coming from, or if that was even being used by the group I was meeting up with. Then came the mud. I wore my regular hiking boots that I wear when I work at the land, my rain boots were in the trunk of my car and I didn't want to walk back and grab those. I also didn't want to slip though, so I carefully walked on the edge of the mud by the vegetation.
The path starts leading down, I can hear the chainsaw getting louder and people talking. I come out at a small outcrop at the water and looked around. There really wasn't anywhere clear to go, it was so overgrown to either side of the little outcrop, but I saw some chainsaw accessories and I could really hear the guys now but couldn't see anyone. Then I realized they were on the other side of this "bridge". Look now. There isn't a lot I am afraid of, though the list does get added to as I get older. But heights? Yep. And falling after a surgery? Yep. It took me a long time to trust Woodchucks wavy foot bridge at the land and I still test it out and go slow, lol. I put one foot on this thing and was like, "Nope!". I looked around again for other ways to get across and I couldn't find one. Not to say that there wasn't one, but with everything being so overgrown, and me being unfamiliar with the spot, I couldn't see any.
So now I am feeling uncomfortable, like an idiot, and like a scared/weak girl. I have never liked admitting that I can't do something..at all or even when I need help to do it....but as I am getting older and dealing with a lot of unresolved medical things from over the years, I have had to get smarter. Not being able to do something does NOT make me weak, and that is the mindset I was fighting against my whole life. Hell, there are men who would not be able to cross this! I'm pacing, waiting to see if someone notices me, then am afraid they will notice me and then I will have to admit that I am not one of them and I can't cross that "bridge". I snap a picture of the water.
I am berating myself for thinking that I could do this, but was also irritated with them because they never gave any indication of the terrain and their last event was all ages (this one didn't specify). I'm dripping sweat and getting a headache from being overdressed when I get back to the check-in station and I tell the lady that I am not ashamed to admit that I cannot cross the foot bridge of sticks and she had no idea of what I was talking about because she hadn't been down there in over a year. I put my unused bag back and thanked her, told her to tell the guys that I said hello and proceeded to try to get my car out of that tiny lot.
Now I know that nobody owes me shit. I know that I made the decision to make that trip and that it wasn't their fault that I couldn't cross the matchsticks of doom, but I kind of thought someone would reach out to me after the fact. My name was on the check-in list, but I didn't make it down to the group. Maybe the lady explained what I said and they shrugged and moved on. I dunno. But I didn't hear from anyone and I will not waste another trip. These were not my people.
So I headed back home, going through the town I grew up in and took a short detour to see the new Boutique Hotel that will be opening soon. I say that like I know what a Boutique Hotel is. I don't. Other than I know it will be way out of my price range! I loved this building when I was growing up just a couple of blocks away. It was the Boys and Girls Club back then. In order to make this hotel, they bought houses and tore them down. That made me sad. This place is on one block, a new condo in an old school residential neighborhood the next block up. It all looks so out of place. But this is beautiful! The center building was the original main building. Red brick? Arches? Turrets? SWOON!
Squeezing in another trip to the land before my procedure, this one was going to be rough on me. It was a beautiful day to work outside, but I get run down much faster right now, as well as my stomach gets irritated much easier--especially with a lot of bending over and up and down squatting. But what needs to be done, needs to be done. At least I have the Sun and Moon together to watch over me.
I was going to be removing invasives from along the back ditch, in between the new tree saplings we planted last year. It has been a fight again to keep Woodchuck from going and mowing it all down (not the tree saplings, but everything in between), and constant reminders that there are certain times of the year that we don't mow certain spots. If he were to mow that now, we would lose all of the native wildflowers that bloom later, the wild berries for the wildlife, etc. So even though it was a lot on me to do the work alone this time, it was probably for the best, lol. While I worked on that, he got on the tractor and mowed elsewhere.
I started at the farthest point, thinking that would be best to work my way back to the beginning of the ditch. I didn't stop to think about how tired I might get along the way and possibly not being able to finish it all in one trip. I found a good rose bush that I marked previously and cleared around it as best as I could. Some stuff was too small right now to deal with, so I will definitely be going back out and doing this again.
I think I worked for about 5 hours. I made a plan that every time I had to pick up my equipment and move it down farther, I stopped to drink some water and stretch my back. This is the before.
And this was the after.
We figured out on this day that our rechargeable batteries in the walkies have gone out. Luckily nobody was in need of any attention! Once I felt like I had done all that I could on this day, we went for a walk before heading home. The serviceberries that we planted have really taken off. The elderberry was the first to feel at home, and we were worried that we had lost the SB. But nope, and look at the colors already!
Though we have now planted around 10 elderberry saplings, and have found some volunteers dotted over the land, there was a little patch of original ones next to the pond. Those are the ones that I picked the berries from, and held my breath on how long the trees would last. We are down to one, with only one branch of new growth (they have not been pruned in at least 10 years). Woodchuck took down the others, and we left this one. Of course now there is milkweed coming back up in the area he cleared and he's a bit irritated that he can't just plow through it with the tractor. In that way, we are two completely different personalities! I am always trying to tread lightly, aways looking at how to leave something and gladly go around it. I am a Pisces-the fish. I will flow around. Woodchuck is a Ram. He pushes and plows through, with no understanding or regard in the moment of what is destroyed or hurt. There are many times that I want to remove his horns 😂😠
It is Spring and baby animal season! Our home/property/cars are covered in bird poop. A robin made a nest on a limb of a pine tree that overhangs our cars. My windshield and passenger door get covered, and it grosses Woodchuck out! Otherwise, I would have just left it and let the rain eventually wash it off. So while we were in town for appointments and errands one morning, we stopped at the car wash. I can't go through the automated ones, they make me car sick and trigger my vertigo, so we stopped at a self-serve one.
Speaking of birds, babies, and poop...while I was mowing, I found this egg that had fallen/been pushed out(?) of a nest overhanging the yard. Had we been able to reach it, I would have put it back in, but we believe it was already too late. We candled it and didn't see any movement or heartbeat, but I honestly don't know what I am looking for otherwise and if there would have been movement and a heartbeat at this stage. I set it back in an area where we wouldn't accidently step on it, but it could be utilized as food by wildlife. Fly free, little one. 💚
We continue to juggle many projects and I continue to hustle, have my hands in many pots, and just keep pushing forward with the threat of collapsing both physically and emotionally. I recently vended at an outdoor sale at a stitching supply store, thinking it would be the perfect way to move all of vintage patterns and craft supplies of mine and my mother, into the hands of others. It did not go well for me, and in light of so many other things and all that we have going on, this quote was like my soul was seen.
I have been stepping back in at our oldest sons house to help with the bathroom. Too many things are getting looked over, and GD-it, this needs to be wrapped up already. My goal is to have it done by the end of the month and then I am not touching his house again, lol! (And neither are you, Woodchuck!!!)
The vanity is in its place, but we have plumbing to do (we re-used his vanity cabinet because it was still in good shape, but got a new top. Eventually he really needs to think about getting a water softener!). This is the mirror he has chosen, and I will paint the frame a color to match his faucet and other hardware. (That is still the old hardware on the cabinet doors).
We were able to make a last very quick trip the land to get some totes that our youngest son was asking about. They were full of toys from his childhood that we were holding on to for him in case he has kids one day. I think he is deciding to sell them now, which is okay with me-that is absolutely his decision!
Once they are gone though, they are gone. I hope he at least takes a little time sit with them and think about all of the fun times he had with them, and us, before he parts with them. I hope it makes him smile.
The ferns are popping back up here and there! This one is a Bracken fern, and is one of my favorites.
I was lucky to spend the day before my procedure with my oldest son! I was really in need of some fun, which we had, but it also really wore me out with all of the driving, in and out of the car, walking, and humidity that day. We started the day at my cousins house, dropping off some things to her, then went to a Game Changers store because we had A LOT of stuff to see if they would buy. I had him start with his things, then I did my youngest sons stuff, then mine. Then we went to the antique store to walk around, then to a nature preserve we hadn't been to before.
Honestly, the nature preserve is not some place I will go back to. Located next to a hospital, I just didn't get a good vibe from it, and then once we walked the boardwalk, we realized it was a super short walk (I only took a picture of the signage, I didn't read it to see if it said how long of a walk it was, lol).
Not even on to the boardwalk yet and we see garbage. Humans suck. And I had nothing on me to pick this up with and throw it away in.
We thought that this was going to wind through the woods.
But it pretty much kept to the front of the woods and led back out to the street that takes you to the hospital parking lot.
Luckily it was very windy, so the mosquitoes didn't get us.
Beverage bottle in the water.
There it is! The easiest way for me to determine that it's a carpenter bee is 1) the location of it. 2) the shiny back end.
Just moments after we walked on this part of the boardwalk, I heard a crack and thud. That was close!!! I was unable to lift it up and off, it was too heavy (there was more to the branch than what I got the picture of). I contacted the organization that owns this property to let them know, but did it in the moment through Facebook messenger since it was on a Sunday. The message still hasn't been read, so I will need to call them this week.
The afternoon was supposed to be full of strong storms, but luckily the only one we ended up getting was late that morning while we were running errands on our way to the surgery center. Woodchuck couldn't believe how fast the procedure went! And before we knew it, we were on our way home with me breathing fire from horrible acid reflux. The doctor took some biopsies of my esophagus because it was irritated and has been for over a year now with each evaluation I get done. He noted a Hiatal Hernia, which I told him a previous doctor found, but I was unable to find my documents on it and so he dismissed it until he got eyes on it himself. He also inserted the BRAVO capsule (Science is AWESOME!). I had to keep the monitor within 3 feet of me 24/7 for 96 hours, hit buttons when I had symptoms, and fill out a log sheet for each day.
It was lightweight, but honestly, after 5 days with it on, I was ready for it to go! And they neglected to tell me that it had an alarm on it! I mean, that makes sense for it to have one to notify you if you get too far away from it, but they never said anything! I found out the hard way in the middle of the night when Pierogi the Cat got between me and the monitor where I had it on my nightstand, and she blocked the signal and sounded the alarm! We both jumped! The next night, I hung it up on the post at my head and at some point I rolled over on to my right side and crossed my arms in front of my body, blocking the signal and sounding the alarm. I started sleeping with it on after that, but kept waking up to make sure I wasn't laying on it or accidently pressing buttons! We have to take it back to the surgery center, along with my log sheets, this week. Good riddance!
So while I was still dealing with symptoms, still feeling shitty, still slinging the monitor like a necklace, it was time to move our youngest son out the day after my procedure. SO many mixed emotions about that even almost a week later! While the guys went to get the U-haul, I walked over to the farmstand to buy eggs for him to have at his new place. Woodchuck and I were going to use our truck and our trailer to move him, but there were storms in the forecast and we didn't want to take the chance of his stuff getting damaged. It ended up being a good thing anyway that we got the U-Haul. We filled it, two cars, and the front passenger seat of the U-Haul and there were still things we couldn't fit. Our son came back the next morning to grab the rest of it, because he forgot his work boots at our home anyway. We definitely would not have moved in one trip with our truck and trailer.
The boy stayed true to his nature and wasn't ready to load the truck up right away. Some things were packed and ready, sure! But the majority? Nope. It took nearly 6 hours to load it while he packed, while we paced the floor, and watched the clock. We had to have the truck returned to another city/town by 5:30 or we'd have to pay for a whole other day. We had less than 3 hours to get to the boys new place nearly 45 minutes from us, get unloaded, get gas in the truck, and get it returned. Of course the child moved WAY North....almost to the lake! He had his heart set on moving to this town, it puts him closer to the commuter train and Chicago. His drive to work though is going to be something else, especially in the Winter if he is still at that job. But we knew better than to try and talk to him about it. He's got it all figured out, he knows what he's dealing with, he said. And so we swallow our advice, our information, our fear and worries, and we let him take control of his own plan.
It was a cute apartment! Set up just like an apartment I lived in in Kindergarten, it will/should be more than enough room for him. I sent him with canned goods, Star Wars themed coffee, farm fresh eggs, various pots/pans/dishes and all kinds of household goods and cleaners.
He has a little patio that is separated from the back side of the next set of buildings by an adorable grassy strip with mature trees. He wants to tie a hammock to those trees and I haven't gotten through to him yet that he has to ask permission from the manager before doing stuff like that. I love his vision for peace though. We didn't have a couch to give him because we had already given our oldest son our previous couch months earlier. So he will be able to pick out what he wants for himself. On the other side of the solid wall is the common laundry room.
He will also need to pick up a shower curtain. The bathroom was in much better shape than I expected for a rental, lol.
He decided on a 2 bedroom so that he could use the second bedroom for his art and resin printing. I am so excited for him that he has this space!
His master bedroom was a good size, bigger than the one he had at home!
And a bigger closet for sure!!! (note to self, get a new hanging bar 😂)
But yeah. The mixed emotions. The knowing that he lived here in our home for 23 years, moved out for college but always came back, and now we are all on our way to the next chapters of our lives. I was on my way from a park event yesterday and passed by a house where a young boy was killed many years ago now. He was crossing the busy highway to check the mail when he was hit by a motorcyclist. In that moment of thinking of that young man, I was grateful to have the current playout that we do. I am grateful to have all of these moments were I watch my sons grow up, and I can think back over the years with some bittersweet joy at the memories. It's so much better than having everything stop at one age and for the rest of my life thinking about how old he would have been at any given time, and what he would have done with his life. Truly, we are blessed, even in those harder moments of having to let them pull away. 💙
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