Fake Spring again and again

 February, the month of L💓ve, and my birthday! I actually can't stand when this comes around, for a couple of reasons. Number one, I'm grown now. Sigh. It's not the age or the number or the aging process itself that bothers me, it's the lack of.....celebration. You know, the kind of celebration that we had as a kid. I am a firm believer that there a lot of things, joyous things, that should not stop just because we become adults! It's my goal to start surrounding myself with people and things that "get it". Number two, my grandmothers birthday is a day before mine, and we always celebrated together. Now that she's gone, it's missing another part of the joy in that way. Number three, February birthdays can be tough as far as weather goes, and since we've already crammed 365 days of shit, bullshit, and piles of shit into the first two months of 2026, I am ready to blow right past this and get to Spring--TRUE Spring--already.

My creative brother sent me a most wonderful birthday package filled with things that truly represent me, me as the Pisces, and my birthstone color of purple. He made the moth suncatcher, and I am obviously having issues with my picture program because it didn't load all of the way. It's a lovely lilac color!

 

There is also this beautiful rose box that has pixie lights in it and a drawer that had a crystal heart necklace (that picture didn't load for some reason.) 

Woodchuck finally remembered to take pictures of the demo process of our oldest sons bathroom, but only the after shots though. This was after he took out the vanity, and the vintage mirror/medicine cabinet. 

While he goes to work on the bathroom for an hour or two every night after work, we do have to try and get to the land once a week right now. We noticed the neighbor to the North of us put up this property barrier, and we thought that was odd because we already had the yellow chain up. We wondered if maybe they found someone trespassing?

And then we noticed that they moved our chain and wrapped this poor tree to within an inch of its life. Look, I can understand that properties were divided in a wonky way (story of my life for the past 26 years!), but we've owned this land for 5 years (they bought the house property to the North of us in 2024 or 2025, I can't remember now), and WE have issues with people coming on to our property and touching our stuff. Did this person think that WE were doing that to THEM? And I know we aren't living out there yet, but why not try and reach us by phone before moving lines, touching our stuff and....

He put a row of t-bars down the center of the path that is the property line. We thought it was supposed to be more to the right, closer to their trees. if not, this royally screws us because this is the main path for us to get in and out of the back forest on this side, and is the path that the white pines keep growing on that we have to take out. The previous neighbor was really nice about understanding that kind of stuff. Things are starting to get complicated with neighbors/property lines and that is absolutely what we didn't want to buy into here since we've had nothing but issues with our current location the past 26 years. We really want good relationships with all of our new neighbors, open communications, and common courtesy (which seems to be a dying thing everywhere anymore).

This is why I leave dead wood sometimes....all creatures need to be able to live their lives in their most natural way, but honestly? I feel like this picture represents my life well right now, lol. Decaying, rough, full of holes, and ready to topple over.

For the week of my birthday, I made some quick and yummy pecan chocolate chip cookies. I was hoping they'd last to my birthday, but the recipe made a very small batch for a house with three adults--one of which is a growing young man. 😂

I have been working through my brain fog and menopause brain-scatter to start getting projects finished up again. This was the Valentine gnome from the library program and I finally wrapped up the loose ends of trimming the top tassels, gluing beads to the tip of each one, and then trimming the beard. It is tucked away now in the Valentine decor tote, and it's hard to believe that the next time it comes out, we will be in the new house.

I broke out the annual birthday leggings that a friend got me as kind of a joke, but I wear them every year now for my birthday.

I am posting these next photos out of order since I'm having so many issues with my photos program right now. Our most recent trip to the land, while Woodchuck was really sick with upper respiratory issues/flu, flooding is even more prevalent. With several straight days of rain ahead, we know it will only get worse and all we can do right now is let nature take its course. At some point, this will all get figured out, and yet, some of it just needs to be left alone so nature can do what nature does. This area was where the phragmite was, that also led into a plethora of vegetation that included a lot of red twig dogwood. With the watershed pond overflowing its edges (it really doesn't have banks), and with no vegetation in this area now, the flooding is much more noticeable.

To think that I was able to walk far beyond that pallet at one point to treat the phragmite! The water is now also all the way up to the entry of this area. And here we thought we had moved the pallet farther away from the water than was necessary, lol.

We are losing sunlight, and Woodchuck is losing steam.

We are very close to the next full moon, and with Mercury in Retrograde, the ride has been rough.

We came back to the land this day to get measurements for septic laterals that the guy said we could run in the forest, that way we never have to worry about machinery driving over the exposed area that was the original proposed spot for them.

I had questioned if we would have enough room? Honestly, I don't know. These guys keep changing what they are saying, throwing out changing numbers, and I have no idea if things are possible, not possible, going to cost extra because we have to do some special something or other, or if we will, actually, be able to make this dream come true of building a home AND being able to afford to live in it once it's built. Silly me and all of my "what if's"! 

I don't know what these little things are, so we will call them potatoes for the wee folk. Honestly, I think they are cocoons, but once again my post in a bug group has gone unanswered. The indifferent SOB's. I need to know what these little potatoes hold!!! (shaking my fist). I found them on branches, bark, and this post. I am sure there are hundreds more that I didn't see.

But here's a palette cleaner from my rage for you. I was finally able to hobble over to the newest trail cam that we have by the pond and is one of the lowest set ones. The wildlife have been using that area a lot, a super highway, if you will. There was also images of the fox too, but they were too blurry. I don't want that coyote to leave the land, but I also don't want to come face to face with it!

One of the Valentine/Birthday gifts I bought myself was an all natural lip balm in a paper tube. I have VERY sensitive lips and everything makes them peel. This thing was expensive. I normally would not have paid the price, but I'm on a rose kick right now, and I needed something.....so $9 plus tax got shelled out and here I am writing a grumble about the Humble lip balm. Hmph. It is not moisturizing enough, I can't tell it is rose, I have to use a finger to push and continue to hold the balm up from the bottom and in order for to go back down, I either have to use my finger to push it back down (ew), or just put the lid back on and it falls back down. Not terrible, but different than what I am used to and overall, I just don't think this was worth the money. So the search continues!

I've also tried a new moisturizer for night and a tinted, SPF one for day. And both inflamed my Rosecea. How do I deal with genetics that are Native American and LOVE being outside in the sun, and Irish who have fair skin and the Curse of the Celts (Rosecea)? EVERYTHING irritates my skin anymore, and when I get sick? I may as well just put a bag over my head, but that would irritate it too. I've tried oils, heavy creams, light creams, medicated creams, herbal stuff, just rinsing, avoiding putting anything on my cheeks at all, numerous sunscreens developed for sensitive/irritated/red skin, etc. Woodchuck and I talk a lot now about how the more I try and get healthy, eat healthy, use healthy skin products, the worse I get. I can't tell if my body is clearing itself out, or rebelling. Taking into account my sassy nature, I have to lean towards rebelling. I too have lashed out and rebelled when all someone was trying to do was help me, and now my skin is serving the Karma.

Even though Woodchuck and I have the crud right now....the flu? upper respiratory infection? All of it? We are heading to the land to finish caging the front arborvitae against the forest dwellers a.k.a deer, and maybe finishing fixing the turn signal issue in the steering column of the truck. Maybe. We will see how we are feeling. But we have several days of rain coming, his next day off sees us at his pre-op appointment, and soon after, he has his surgery. Mercury is in Retrograde, a full moon is tomorrow, we have the crud, it's back to weird temps but will get GLORIOUS at the time of his surgery (because Murphy's Law), and my friends, I need a baseball bat and a rage room. All made worse by the fact that we finished watching Stranger Things and I didn't want it to end! So traumatized.

Starting the odds and ends

 In some ways I am surprised that we are nearly to the end of February, and in others, it feels like 365 days already! Humans can cram a lot of life into a short amount of time, can't they? Normally I would have had my Valentine decors up for some color during the dreary Winter days, and by now, I would have taken those down and put up the St. Patrick's Day stuff. I suppose I could still have done it, put up what I could and asked Woodchuck to help with the rest, but I have so much other stuff to focus on right now, and need a little less clutter around me.

I spent some of my post-op working on a gift for my cousin, and finished it. I also started a second gift for her, though am kind of getting out of the Yule mood now and might need to move on to other themed items. I can finish her second gift later this year 😀 Here's the finished one:

And the next one that was started! This one will be all traditional holiday colors of red, green, and white, and will have some sparkle too.

I've read 6 books this year so far, started 3 or 4 that I didn't like and gave up on, and am currently reading a really good one about the traditions, stories, and values of the Lakota people. It really is a fitting read for the times we are in, and kind of calms my spirit down. (This book that is pictured is not that current book).

I've had a headache/migraine every day for months now. When my head doesn't hurt, I still have all of the visual stuff, and I'm getting really tired of it. Once again, doctors can't determine what is going on. Some think it's something in my neck causing it, others think it's hormonal. My sister gets them too....we have a lot of medical consistencies, lol. So on my worst days, and when it is so dreary outside that I don't even want to get out of bed, I wear these beauties. Let me just say, you don't really realize the difference they make until you take them off! My safety glasses that I use at the land and at home when I mow are yellow lenses, and when I take them off, it's a shock to the system! My shoulders literally droop and I'm all like, "Oh man, everything looks so blah now." I got these for $1 at a resale shop 😍

As of yet, the hip surgery hasn't helped my various ankle and foot pains. So I finally broke out the grounding socks. I really need to get better about using those and the tens unit, because right now I am just relying on a natural/home-made pain oil, and ice packs, along with all of my exercises. 

We finally gave in and got Netflix just so we could watch Stranger Things. We borrowed season one and two from a friend years ago and have been resisting the Netflix lure. We pay so much already for t.v./phones, etc. that another $20 a month was not in the cards, but we figure we could swing one month and then cancel once we were done watching, lol. Turns out that Pierogi likes the program too! Initially, Woodchuck was so into it that he was able to stay awake, but now I spend my evenings yelling for him to wake up because he's missing the good parts. I try to be understanding....one day I will be his age and maybe I won't be able to stay awake either. 

Speaking of Pierogi, she is really enjoying having her replacement feather toy! She loves playing on the bed with it, because when she runs she has traction on the bedspread, lol. Speaking of, I am SO looking forward to a new bedspread when we move into the new house! This one has faded, has nail holes from Pierogi, is all lumpy from numerous washes, and has shrunk. Some times it's the little things like a new bedspread that perk you up. I haven't decided yet on what to get. Woodchuck wants something big and fluffy, I want something unique and artsy and probably colorful. I will figure it out when I need to.

I got myself out to the local library down the road for a Valentine gnome craft. I had a lot of fun and stayed for about an hour. Another person in attendance even made me a cup of hot tea 😍

I need to trim the beard, and figure out how to keep the hat tassels from fraying anymore, but other than that it's done and adorable!

I've also been watching this spot on the upstairs bathroom ceiling. When we had the roofs redone last year, we asked them to check it out. He told us that because there was no rotten wood anywhere, etc. that this would be something with a beam and insulation and not to worry. But with every thaw, the spot gets darker. 

We recently had to go to the land to meet with the septic guy. When the elevations were thrown by his employee, we were told that we may need to remove another row of trees and they would know in about a weeks a time. We never heard from them. So the owner was going to meet us out there to take a look. We need to know now because 1) I can't help Woodchuck cut and move trees because of my hip surgery 2) he has sinus/nose surgery in about two weeks in early-March and will have restrictions on lifting and straining 3) if they break ground in April, we need to have those trees out by then. All of that and Woodchuck working 6 days a week, also doing the demo work on the oldest boys bathroom right now, and the weather is back to Winter. 

But on the day we went to the land to meet the guy, it was beautiful! The snow was mostly gone, and I could do some walking around, but I couldn't do any work. We waited for half an hour past the meet time, and he hadn't showed up, so Woodchuck called him and left a message and we hit the road. Here are some pictures from the walk around.

The ice shelf on the front ditch was no joke! There was also a couple of tiny rapids but the videos won't load here anymore.

Nearly every single pumpkin, and all seeds from them, have been eaten now. I doubt anything will be left to take hold  and to grow. The largest pumpkin was left with just a shell, like it was a paper mache' bowl! Maybe I'll repurpose it and put some nuts and seeds in it for the birds.

I made some mental notes of what needs to be done by us right away. The arborvitae we planted up front last year have been completely stripped again, so we need to cage them ASAP. Of course, this day out there would have been perfect to do it, and when we head back out tomorrow to meet the septic guy, there will be snow on the ground and more danger for me in moving around without getting hurt. I just have to pause, exhale, and remind myself that it will all work out.

After making stops on the way home, we finally made the cheese crackers that I've been wanting to try for the past few months! I am not great with dough, but also just wanted us to do something fun together instead of it always being work. We would do some things differently next time, and they really didn't taste just like store-bought, but they were good! WAY too much fat to eat them often though 😩The recipe is from Crowded Kitchen, and they have a new cookbook being released! I ordered it for myself for my birthday.

Look at them! Because some of the dough was left thicker, some of them didn't crisp up well. The recipe said you could pop them in the oven the next day if you wanted to crisp them back up. I mistakenly left that up to Woodchuck.

And he burned them. I still ate them because they are really expensive to make for such a small amount of crackers, but yuck! 😫 Struggles with his attention, focus, understanding, comprehension, etc. seem to be getting worse and that makes my worry grow at the thought of living on 15 acres that we need to take care of. He insists that he is fine, but when would anyone actually admit that they aren't? I am moving forward like everything is a go, but I can't shake the feeling that we are making a mistake by building a home out there.

We had a couple of GLORIOUS days of fake Spring. Temps near 70, sunshine, open windows, birds singing. Even Pierogi crawled out from her Cat Cave (a tent I make her with the comforter every morning) and ran to the open window. After getting too hot in the direct sunlight, she decided to lounge on her cat tree.

Of course, I had just started to let myself daydream about how to go about utilizing things from here at the land. The rain barrel was one recent thought. And then, on one of the beautiful days where I had the back door open and was near it doing dishes, I saw the rain barrel split open. We ALWAYS drain it, and tuck it away for the Winter....this was the first season that we didn't. I'm going to look into ways to try and fix it before casting it off. Anyone have this happen and have luck trying to fix it? Unfortunately, it's not an even/level crack, which might make it harder to fix?

While I am stepping back from the business right now and not making a lot of commitments with it yet, I did decide to get more business cards after recently using the last one up. I do have one market on the calendar in June where the theme is eco-friendly!

I am mobile, and motivated enough now to finally start getting through some stuff in the house and thinking about what I want to take to the rummage sale in April, pack up, donate, etc. We made a plan to not pack up too much more until after the rummage sale when we know better what we will be left with for the move. I've got some art projects that I want to finish that were started last year before surgery. I also recently attended an online seminar for invasive aquatic plants and it only reiterates how I am horrible at aquatic anything. I am a Pisces, I love water, but maintenance of it and all that inhabits it is not my forte'! 

And for a bright spot in the writing....a photo memory of Pierogi popped up recently. This was not long after we adopted her, and her tummy was still shaved from being fixed. She was so young in this photo that she didn't even have any of her nose freckles yet. Her eyes used to be a peachy color, that would some times be more yellow. Now they are more yellow, that some times turns more of a hazel green. She, and massive amounts of sheer will power, are the only things getting me through each day without being in the corner, crying and sucking my thumb.

Stay tuned! Land updates, along with updates on the demo of our oldest sons bathroom, are coming next!

Imbolc/Snow moon 2026

 I had figured that I wouldn't be writing a post for quite awhile. There's nothing going on with me that is post worthy, worthy of letting anyone know, but then the moon, and then Imbolc, and I figured the little bit I am going through might resonate with someone else.

There's been posts going around social media for a few months now, near the full moons and the new year, about cinnamon. One of the things that I dislike about social media witchery is it coming across like "you have to do this!" in order for you be taking proper advantage, to be letting in all of the good, to be harnessing all of the energy. Horse poo. But last night (this was started the night of the Feb. full moon), I felt myself once again wrestling with the emotions of not being able to do what I want to, or what I felt like I should do based off of all of those posts. Sure, most of those posts are meant only to remind us of what we can do, but when your feed is getting bombarded with the same reminders over and over again, and "do this!" it becomes a bit overwhelming.

I lit a candle, which I am trying to do daily when I home, and I held my amethyst and sought out the rainbows that the sun cast through crystals.

I flung open the curtains and shades to let in the sunlight, that elusive sunlight. At this time of year when the color of the sky matches the snow-covered ground, that warm, yellow glow was so needed! Even Pierogi the cat came more alive, was more relaxed and less grumpy.

I would look outside each night before I went to bed, to catch a glimpse of the moon, stars....anything to break up this monotony that I am living in right now. Yes, this picture was after 9 p.m.!

I am still doing the affirmation book my sister got me for Christmas and am trying to find a more clear path for myself this year. First up was the outdoor market that I did last year. Do I want to do it again? I had been making a list in my head of the pros and cons, but that wasn't getting me far. So I decided to write it all down. And of course, the list was exactly even on both sides. But one of the cons is kind of a big one for me. It's also not like I made a big return on it, I broke even, but is it more important to me to move some things into their forever home, be outside in nature selling, and meeting new people? Those are some of the things that I need to continue to weigh.

I continue to make a smoothie nearly every day, to get in vitamins, minerals, other supplements that I can add to them, and to curb my cravings for refined sugar and junk food when I am hungry before dinner. I found that if I have one between 11 and 12, it doesn't negatively impact my appetite for dinner, but keeps me from snacking. This particular smoothie had mango coconut yogurt, peaches, avocado, sprouts, aloe juice with lemon, grapefruit juice, vegan protein powder, maca root powder, moringa powder, powdered mushrooms, bee pollen, and dates.

I did it my way, as usual. I go off of gut feelings, intuition, and yes, that's right! I fly by the seat of my pants.

Did I lose out on anything by not putting crystals or water out to charge? By not doing the cinnamon thing? By not writing something on a piece of paper and then burning it? No. Not at all. By not doing those things, all it did was make me feel bad because those posts said that I should. And I was already feeling bad. About being stuck in the house for 3 weeks now, except for physical therapy a couple of times a week. About the state of the world right now. About the lack of interaction in anyway with friends and family. About all that I am seemingly missing out on. 

I always feel a bit guilty when I start thinking in the "what about me? what about relationships, friendships, humanity caring for each other?" kind of way. But I have practicing releasing some of that guilt by saying that it can be both ways at once. It can be that the world is on fire, but that I acknowledge the blessings. It can be that I reach out to others, while grieving the loss of not getting anything in return. That shouldn't make me feel guilty, though feeling these ways is one con of being human. 

I was thinking earlier about what keeps us going? In the face of unfairness, adversity, solitude, death. Our bodies can keep going, our minds can keep going, but what makes the spirit keep going after tragedy? The only answer I could come up with was: purpose. We are still going because there is still some purpose left, some opportunity to do good and to take the tragedy and help someone else from it. The purpose of bringing more love, light, connection, humanity, kindness, etc. It is the only thing that I can think of. 

As I sit here feeling so alone, and so incapable of so much, it is not lost on me that someone else would love to be in my shoes right now. I am blessed, I am loved, I am healing, I am warm, I am fed, I am alive. And so I try not to slide too far down the rabbit hole, but also let myself feel what needs to be. 

Then, last night, I was thinking about interactions. People who are easily overwhelmed, introverts, etc. And I thought about how we close ourselves off when things become too much. It goes beyond recharging, regulating....it is isolation, hiding away...and that doesn't teach us much. So I started thinking about what might help us more? Socializing on our terms. People-ing in our way. Interacting on levels that we CAN tolerate, instead of not at all. When we close ourselves off from people, not only are we missing out on the beautiful things our friendship and interactions can bring US, but we deny them all of the wonderful aspects we bring to them too!

 I see the majority of my friends (and I only have a few that are local) a couple of times a year, and that is a dedicated "let's get together" event, not the "when are you coming to town? Maybe we can go for a walk or hit a resale shop" that I am talking about. While most of my friends live long-distance, the ones who are local rarely reach out and ask about getting together. It's usually me, and for some it's always me going to them. I get it. They have lives, work schedules, family, etc. But I constantly surround myself with "unavailable" people. Physically, emotionally, attention-wise. And I've been trying to figure out why. Maybe so I don't take the chance of becoming overwhelmed? Well, that would boil down to boundaries. So, socializing takes boundaries, right? That is such a hard topic to navigate, for sure!

None of this is meant to make anyone feel bad, I am literally picking my brain, rolling subjects around in my head. Wondering, feeling, thinking, at a time when I can do little else. Every kind of relationship takes some sort of effort, and I see where many are making friends feel bad for asking for more in it. We all can only do what we can do at any given moment, but when numerous friendship aren't fed, what happens then? How may of us are looking for connection, are feeling lonely in a world full of other lonely people, and looking around not understanding what is happening. We tout about connection and helping each other, but ignore what is right in front of our face. Why can't we say, "Hey look, I love you, but I don't understand why I don't see you." If they say that they just have it in them, then you have to make a decision, right? Man, none of this easy. Stay friends and be ok with the little you get, the ways that you have to keep being the one to reach out and invest, etc. OR nothing at all. Compound that with nearly every relationship lacking what you need, and it makes it hard to know what to do.

I remember back in the day when I was first on FB with our business page, and I would post my frustrations at the lack of sales, exposure, etc. while those other businesses I follow(ed) on there were making a killing. A friend said that she didn't want to feel punished for not making a purchase from us, and that's what my posts came across like. That has always stuck with me. How do I then be transparent without making people feel like I am chastising them? I am still trying to traverse that, and probably not doing it well....in business and personal life. It is hard for me to be transparent without also showing my frustration. So that is one thing on my radar this year to work on.

So to those that feel bad about any of this, I'm sorry. That is not my intention. To my inner self, whom I have compromised for so long, I am even more sorry. I really am trying to figure this out. 💜