The beginning of the breakdown

 You will have to bear with me a tad, as A LOT has been happening with the new house and otherwise! I have had to navigate and organize some really difficult stuff, because unfortunately, it has been one problem after another. I have come to realize that nobody is giving their best anymore, though that is not me criticizing. Maybe they are stretched thin, short on help, depressed, sick, in a job they really aren't meant for...maybe shit just happens. But I gotta say, my life is therefore full of manure and I am lighting it all on fire. Sucks to be them, and I am compassionate and sympathetic for them....as well as myself. Why do I always have to be the one to just deal with whatever quality I'm given? If I don't, then I'm difficult, or a bitch, or mean, or judgmental. I can be those things, but it's rare. What I am now is a middle-aged, menopausal woman who is saying enough is enough to the labels, the gaslighting, the lack of quality and attention in every aspect of my life. This is the year that I am holding everyone accountable for what is theirs and what they try to make mine.

Sadly, that means we are in a battle with various contractors. From the get go, it has been one thing after another. We have been direct, we have cried, we have given repeated chances, and we are trudging through quick sand one painfully slow slogging movement at a time. I am still finding issues around the crawl space vents, and with the concrete and quality of work.

The soil was also not leveled out, so we took that on ourselves. Before.

After. I started on the right and he started on the left and we met in the middle. It will still need to get graded at the end of the all of the construction, but for right now, this is better than it was and won't be collecting rain water.

In and around the the crawl space opening.

We couldn't finish this side because there are openings that we need to leave for the septic, etc.

Lots of dirt for us and the contractors to use up

Woodchuck can't be the only one sitting on the tractor, so that is where I took my break.

That is done for now!

I am loving, loving, loving this long Autumn we are having! Lots of sunshine and color, occasionally with a tad of drizzle.

Bolts (they are actually threaded rods) still need to be sheared off. We tried doing it so the concrete people wouldn't have to make another trip out, but Woodchuck didn't have the right size discs for his grinder. Someone will come back out and take care of it. The house can't be set on the foundation sill plate with the rods sticking up like that, so time is of the essence.

Ever closer to not having to leave this place, and this view.

We went ahead and laid out a bit of wood to see how the size of the side deck was going to work with all of the other stuff that has to come in on this side of the house. It's going to be tight, but as long as everyone listens and communicates well, it will work out.

We also had to figure out along the barn where the gas line was coming up at, the meter was going, etc.

Bouncing back to the current house, we are still knocking out little projects. I edged the sidewalk, and it was much harder for me than I anticipated, lol. Woodchuck makes these kinds of things look so easy and effortless. I even used the old school, half-moon tool for it, not anything new and electrical.

We are ready for this to be home to another family. We have had some of the best and worst times of our lives here, but through it all; this house was happy to have a family in it and I hope that energy continues.

I am in the throes the past 2-3 months of some sort of flare-up. Blisters, rashes, feeling like I got hit by a truck after doing the slightest of physical activity, etc. I long for those days where I could do a bit of self-care! Meditate, yoga, etc. Physically, I don't think I could do much yoga now even if I had the time.

Even Pierogi has been a bit down and sluggish, even with all of the sunshine. I know she misses me since I have been running all day every day, so I try and get done earlier some days to give us longer snuggle times in the evening. I think I will order her hemp oil again too, cooler weather is hard on her hips.

I am resisting the urge, still, of getting excited. I am still in business mode.

We are enjoying seeing the tracks of the animals though. Between the tracks and footage caught on the trail cams, we can see that we haven't scared the wildlife away. 

I hope this place continues to be our sanctuary as well.

We worked on the new tree area alongside the back ditch, and while not everything survived, we are grateful for any amount of the saplings that did. Serviceberry.

If I were a tree, I would love this view!

The problems that we have already faced with this build have only just begun, and the full moon demands that we start holding others, and ourselves, accountable; and start letting go of what isn't working. I am absolutely, 100% ready to do that!

Construction projects demand repeated walks with a magnet. I won't be parking my car anywhere near the house or barn for quite awhile!

I made a mad dash to the land one morning to meet the company that was delivering our foundation pillar blocks. If you will recall, there was a lack of communication about this block. The concrete/foundation guy thought the house setter was taking care of it, and the house setter thought the concrete/foundation guy was taking care of it. So, we took care of it. Had to pay out of pocket, which is fine because that is one less thing to get rolled into our construction loan/future mortgage, and pay a current 7.75% rate on! THAT is why I am looking for a job again, to give us the opportunity to purchase things outright that we have needed and will need.

Still no shearing of the rods.

The pallets were so heavy that our tractor couldn't lift them. This pallet was only partially loaded, so it was just the right weight, but the others we had to partially unload by hand to get them light enough for the tractor to lift.

We started with the lightest ones first. We had no idea how they needed to be stacked, so we just got them down in the crawl space to make it easier for the house setting crew. That will not be rewarded.

Then we took the larger blocks and placed each one by hand all around the foundation. There was one pallet that we didn't have room to unload. I was really hoping that we were making things easier for the crew, but in no way did they make things easier for us in the coming days.

Woodchuck also took the Bilko doors out of the barn and placed them by where they needed to go. Already aware that the opening was made too big by the concrete/foundation company who personally measured the doors, our issues with this situation will only increase in the coming weeks.

That is all we can do for this trip, so it's time to catch the sunset and head back to the current house.

The full moons this year have had me feeling the feels and wanting to be out under their beams all night.

Back at the land the next day as we were told the bolts would be sheared. Let us take a calming breath....we will need it. Because? The rods were not sheared. Woodchuck also noticed that the bolts were loose, so he asked me to do a light tightening of them.

As I made my way around, I noticed a couple of areas of interest that I had not before. This one was really loose, and man, I must have OCD because I can't stand to see new construction looking so damaged. I know this will be covered by the house, but $25,000+ just for this contractor.......tighten the nuts and don't crack my wood.

Looks like they couldn't find a washer and improvised. I found said washer laying on the foundation farther away and switched it out so that it was correct. 

The first part of the house, the back side, was delivered to the land on October 23. We did not have to be there for that. They moved that thing in and parked it like it was a car. What talent and nerves of steel! Making that 90 degree turn on the driveway was not easy!

I peeked in the patio doors! This is the dining area just off of the kitchen. The right front opening is where the living room will be. And I can see, that indeed, they put down the wrong flooring and it wasn't just "dark lighting" as stated by the house factory when they sent pictures. Honestly put, I feel like we are being asked to pay full price for a house that isn't exactly what we ordered and are being charged for. That feeling will only rise up as future issues come up.

On the next trip back, we could see that someone sheared the rods.....and the top part of some of the nuts as well. Again, here I go being OCD.

Universe, I am actively practicing each day on surrendering to the process, while also exercising what I have learned in my lessons about advocating for myself and not just giving in to the "professionals".

I was lucky enough to have a core memory unlocked. I am 52, and back in the day our playgrounds were covered in Pea Gravel. It would get in our shoes, it was hard to get going on a run if the gravel was deep, and it has a distinctive sound that you can't forget once you have played on it! Well, that is what our crawl space is covered in, and I just love walking through the little area of leftover gravel. 😍

It is time to hit the road! We are making a very special trip this evening.

My sister is home for a couple of days, and we are picking them up from the train station after their trip to Chicago! This station is new, so it was really neat to see it for the first time; and the weather was perfect for hanging out outside to watch the moon while we waited!

And once we were home, there was that glorious moon to greet us!

I also got to see family for an extra day, which was such a rare treat! Even Susie the cat was happy!

So, we've got a few days before the house gets set, and our stress is really high. There is a lot of pressure on us across the board, and we are barely keeping it together. I'm just taking it one day at a time, and continuing to practice surrendering to the process. This is all going to work out. In the efforts to get some of our stress under control, and enjoy the weather, we have been going for walks. May of the places we are going to are places we have already been to, just not in a long while. It is my goal starting next year to start hitting as many different places as we can around our region. 

Our first walk was at the county park I used to work at. It was so sunny and bright that you couldn't look anywhere near the sun! I just held my camera up and took some shots and that is when we realized there was a sun bow!

The trees in these forests are some of my favorite! 

They have expanded their prairie trails, so we veered off of our normal path!

That branch was beckoning me to come sit on it, but it was too far out, and too high up.

They have built some new boardwalks as well through the wet and muddy areas.

More of my favorite trees!

Pokeberry

Sassafras changing colors!

The pond was so serene!

Still damage left to clean up from the Derecho in August

On another walk, we went to park in the town I grew up in. This was the place that we first snowshoed at and loved it so much that we bought some for ourselves....and I think we have had one Winter since with enough snow to use them.

They had an outdoor model train set up! It was really big and adorable and brought back some good memories of when the boys were little (they LOVED model, and real, trains!)

It was right before Halloween, and they were hosting hayrides in the evenings. This was their haunted cemetery set up.

This old tree was beautiful!!! I went around the other side of it and hugged it 😂

In another area, there was this Catalpa.

I believe this is their new amphitheater area. 

🍂

A crazy grapevine around a young tree!

Some trails were blocked off from the storm damage, and others you could walk and see it up close and personal!

Massive, live trees were toppled over, but dead ones remained. I am assuming it is because they had less weight at the top and less mass to catch those winds, so those winds just kind of moved right past these.

We are so lucky to live in the area that we do! Sandy soil and evidence of previous glaciers all around us!

I counted the rings and I estimated about 45 years old.

I wish I could load videos still because the sound right here was phenominal! I love the sound of red wing blackbirds and it sounded like there were hundreds in the vegetation around the pond! 

Invasive multiflora rose

Invasive burning bush.

Invasive oriental bittersweet. All one right after another in a particular area.

I don't want these walks to end. I don't want everyday to about work, stress, not seeing eye to eye. At least on our walks we can be in beautiful places together. 💜💚