Nature waits for no one

 As our son continues to heal physically, we are able to make quick trips to the land every once in awhile to check on things, or do a quick project. It's terrifying trying to get back to any semblance of normality...what if I give him too much space? What if, what if, what if....but I am learning that I have to let him live his life, and our lives have to keep being lived too while also supporting his recovery from the accident mentally, emotionally, and physically. We are nearing Spring, and if I had to walk away from the land for months on end to care for him, I would; but thankfully he is doing well and nature waits for no one. 

Woodchuck had to fix the man door on the garage recently, as some shifting occurred and the door wasn't latching closed. Not only did we not need winds blowing the door open, or people easily gaining entry, but we didn't need wild animals in there either! I also need to get some wood filler into areas on the frame and repaint it, it's already chipping and rotting in some spots.

Our most recent trip was to cut the blueberry bushes. We didn't cut them down far enough last year and they grew crazy and tall again. So we put our fears aside and just did it. I've come to realize how scared I am of the trial and error method in some things. Most likely that comes from a financial point, but honestly, it's the way that most humans learn. So we went in easy the first time, hoping to not mess up and lose the bushes, and that didn't work for the proper growth. So this time we went in heavy and in the recommended way! We cut 8 bushes this year. There were a couple of more but we couldn't get to them because of the water from the leaking side of the pond.

                                                                        Before 👇

    

                                                                            After 👇

Then we talked about this area. It has a monster of a bittersweet vine in it and has killed a lot of stuff. I tried getting into it to start cutting things back and treating it last year, but I am going to need help. He also wants to take the trees down right here, but I am always more for working in steps. 

On our walks over the past couple of years in areas we don't normally get into, we found MORE blueberry bushes. They are a distance away from the original ones we always work with, and with the property lines being so wonky in spots, we weren't sure how many of these are on our side. It is out in a lot of vegetation in the middle of nowhere, and more easily accessed from our property than the neighboring one, but since we weren't sure, we just cut back two that were sure were on our side.

There's at least 4 or 5 of them in a row! Once we start working at establishing the boundary line on this side, we will now for sure if we can utilize them all. 👇

If we have the chance to work the land more, bigger projects this year include cleaning up the edges of the pond, hauling in clean fill on the leaking side, getting stone on around all banks, putting in the barley straw extract that I bought last year to try, and figuring out how to get movement in the water to help keep the that clear. With a Monday of nice weather coming up next week, we are going to work on finishing removing invasives from the watershed preserve. I was shocked when I looked at the calendar recently and realized that we have less than a month left to be able to work out there until October of this year! I know there are a few autumn olives left that I had tagged, and I need to do some research on when a control burn is the right thing to do. The mat of grasses is so much thicker now than when we first bought it and I know the previous owner did at least one controlled burn out there. We also recently ordered trees from a water and soil conservancy....arborvitae, serviceberry, and elderberry! Those will picked up in April.

Here at home though, I am still focusing on cleaning out! I have a very large pile of things that I have been working on listing on eBay and we will be doing an indoor rummage sale with next month. While I've shelved the art business for now, I have been making some lists of things that I would eventually like to put some time into. Changing the name, getting new business cards, finding a different platform other than Etsy so sell on, etc. I have also checked into a couple of markets. I am not going to pressure myself! I am done with pressuring myself and life has me under enough of that as it is. The only thing I can manage right now to work on is some cross-stitch in the evenings. My brain just can't handle anything else creative right now.

Vehicles still tend to be a sore point around here. I have had a sensor go out two or three times already this year. We have taken a little time to hit some car lots and the prices for new cars are out of our range and Woodchuck has been resistant to buying used again. So we are down to one decent car (mine) that I use for getting our son and myself to medical appointments, and Woodchucks work car that has 300,000 miles on it (but also a forever warranty). Again, I am not pressuring myself to make decisions right now about vehicles and although my boundaries are constantly being butted up against, I am standing strong at this time.

I start therapy for myself tomorrow and am really looking forward to it. There are days that I am under so much pressure from my guys and life circumstances, that I feel like my heart will explode. I am ready to let in the feel good stuff and the beauty and the joy and the peace. I am ready to heal and thrive. I hope that you find all these beautiful things for yourself in your life too 💜

(this picture is from where I currently live. I had to walk back home after dropping my car at the mechanic down the road to get the sensor replaced again). 👆

Walk some, work some, love lots

 It's been awhile since I've posted because we've been focusing on making numerous trips to the land and I've been focused on preparing for craft shows and the holidays! We were so lucky to have had mild temps and dry weather for as long as we did, in the sense of being able to work the land longer into the season and get more projects done! As it stands right now though, the weather is more seasonably appropriate and I am fighting the urge most days to hibernate. 

A lot of my late October/early to mid November projects focused on the invasives like burning bush and phragmite and at least getting the berries off of the honeysuckles that I knew we weren't going to get around to cutting down. But with the days being shorter, our trips to the land on the days that Woodchuck works are limited to under two hours of daylight. Now that it is  after Thanksgiving, we are in Winter weather and once the snow comes, we will be done on the land for awhile.

I found some lovely mushrooms growing on dead trees in the phragmite patch on the land area. It was something right out of a fairy tale! 👇

I also got new boots that are very flexible to replace the very stiff and uncomfortable ones that I had been wearing for years. My feet and ankles are grateful!☝(less than $10 at Rural King!)

As we continued in the drought and the water levels went down, I was able to get farther into the watershed pond to treat the phragmite. ☝I still need to get some seed heads off that are on the land area.

The area of burning bush at the property line is now gone after about two weeks of working on it, collectively. 

I will still need to monitor the area for a number of years to stay on top of sprouts. While the leaf cover was thick, it was hard to see those sprouts since they looked like leaf stems. With the lighting of the season and time of day, I had to keep rechecking spots. 👇

The roots of the Burning Bush seem to loosen the soil, making it easier for the seeds to get sown deeper down. I am always grateful to learn more about the behavior of invasive plants, because that arms me with knowledge on how to fight against them better. To me, it isn't just knowing about how they respond to herbicide that's important, it's also about understanding the behavior of the plant in growth, spreading, etc. 👇

As usual, every walk we take out there is a feast for the eyes, the soul, and the spirit. There is something to see all around you and while these things may seem boring, mundane, or silly, they are magick to me.

A grasshopper I saved from the tractor, though his friend was not so lucky and I think he may have been stepped on the garage floor. 👆

I am trying to get better at harvesting and foraging, and using what I gather and only taking what I know I will use. This is a Bur Rose bush that is getting ready to fall into the pond because of slumping. So I gathered the rose hips that I could reach, even crawling down to the bank that would have normally been under water (because it had receded to so far!). 👇

I have dried the turkey tail and am in the process right now of grinding it down. It doesn't look like what I thought it would being ground, so I am holding off moving forward until I verify with a professional that I did the right thing. I am absolutely fascinated with turkey tail! 👇

I am so grateful that I had the courage to make the leap to quit my job and spend what time we have left in our current home being gentle, and mindful, and quiet, and alone. While I have not gotten done around the current home what I thought I would these past few months, I'm grateful to be here and not running myself down for everybody else's dream while I get treated like crap. No more of that. I have spent hours processing pumpkins and squash....they are some of my favorite things to smell and look at! I also cleaned their seeds and let them air dry before packing them up to hopefully use at the land....👇

Making bone broth in the Crock Pot. I love to let it cook for a couple of days and I add scraps of veggies in. My most recent batch had organic apple peels added in. Once I strain the solid matter out, I save it to sprinkle around the land. There's never a scrap left.... 👇

I also tried a new recipe for cassava flour and carob chip cookies (was supposed to have regular chocolate chips in them).....they were super easy and even Woodchuck liked them....👇

 A girl and her tools! I have been working on a new Yulemas ornament for sale this year. Sadly, they have not sold thru shows or Etsy, but I did get some close friends order some as gifts for family members. 

UPDATE FEBRUARY 2025: In full transparency, I started this post in late November/early December 2024 and would work for short amounts of time a few times week on it through late November/early December. The holidays got busy, I tried a few craft shows, and finally gave up. I assumed I would be able to get back to it after the first of the year! But as life does, things kind of went astray and our youngest son was involved in a serious car accident on January 7th. He was airvac'd to a trauma center a state away and taking care of him and helping him heal is what my life is gladly about right now. He's already had one surgery and over the next couple of months, we will find out if he needs more for other injuries.

I brought up the prospect to Woodchuck about selling the land. The accident, being so far away from larger health facilities, and the fact that we all brought home Influenza A from the trauma center and were sick for 3 weeks with it, showed me what I was already peeking at. That the land might be too much, and too far out, for us now that we are getting older. How will we be able to juggle taking care of our youngest, building, moving, etc. all within two years? I am searching for ways to simplify my life and that just all feels like a bunch of complicated stuff. My son comes before anything else.

I'm trying to not make big decisions right now though, like they are telling our son not to. I'm trying to stay in the moment, while also scheduling medical appointments (some weeks have up to 6 appointments). How do you do that? How do you stay in the moment while also having to prepare for the future on some levels? Some days I fail at it. I'm getting migraines every day that are progressively getting worse. I can't take the medicines for them because of my kidneys, and so far the supplements aren't working. My marriage is suffering because I'm not being the person I want to be, the person I worked so hard to be before our son got hurt, and because everything annoying that my husband did that I could (some times barely) blow off before the accident is grounds for divorce in my mind now. 

I feel like I've become that story that I read/hear so often. The kids grow up, the mom decides that it is her time now, and she goes. I'm tired of repeating myself numerous times a day because it's easier for him to ask me again than to pay attention and remember, I'm tired of the stupid talk and him acting like he's 13. I'm tired of jabs at me being disguised as joking around and then when I react I am the unreasonable one. I'm tired of having to think and do for four people. I'm tired of being the mommy wife that he SAYS he doesn't want but SHOWS in his behavior that he does. I'm just tired and trying to solely focus on my son so that I don't make any rash decisions right now, but at some point this will have to be dealt with.

On the days my son and I have no appointments, I am listing our personal belongings on eBay to help clear the house out and get some money towards medical bills and to eventually get him another car (his was totaled in the accident). I haven't seen my mother since Christmas and I have to be the one to remember to stay in touch or I usually won't hear from her. We live in a very small community, and that community usually rallies around its people in need. But not us. There was nothing. No announcement, no meal train, no benefits, no nothing. I am blessed to have the couple of friends/acquaintances that I do that ask if I need anything when they are heading to town? My ex-MIL sent our son a new flannel shirt (he was wearing the one she got him for Christmas, for the first time, the morning of the accident and it had to be cut off of him). Even though my son is the patient and suffering in his own ways, we are suffering in our own ways too. We are upset, we are traumatized, we are tired, we are overwhelmed, we are scared, and not being gathered around by this community triggers feelings for me from my past that I will always be the exception, and it makes me so sad that me being the exception is also spreading to my family (is how my damaged spirit interprets it). For someone who is always about others, seeing so many others not be about us in our time of need is so disheartening, but I put my head down and walk into the storm as I always have. I will always take care of my family and do what needs to be done.

So I don't know when I will write again, when things at the land will or will not move forward. I'll try and update when I can, it might even be a good way to cope with things as writing seems to help me in that way. I thank you for being on this journey with us so far. Who knows what the future holds, but I hope at least it will have my completely healthy, happy, and recovered son in it. My son before it all 💕