The slow fade of Summer

 Where has Summer gone? Where has the YEAR gone? I have not done anything this Summer that I would have normally, and it is kind of bumming me out. I keep telling myself that there's next year, but ah, the folly of man to think that time is endless, and guaranteed. Woodchuck said that we should go do something tomorrow night when he gets home from work, but most nights we don't even get outside for a walk around the block anymore. Last night, I was so tired even I forgot about the walk. My soul really, really needs to be carefree and cageless. Not trapped in four walls, and not governed by a clock.

So I went to a Women's Circle last weekend that has been on my radar for a couple of months now. I didn't sign up until the day before, because I wanted to make sure that nothing was going to pop up to prevent me from going, and I wanted to make sure that I could follow through even if something didn't pop up. I nearly talked myself out of going! Even 15 minutes before having to leave my house, I was debating on just bailing, but I didn't want to waste the money that Woodchuck works so hard for. I have anxiety anyways about traveling, about unknown places, and this was no different but made even more intense by knowing that a previous friend of mine also frequents this group. It is not that I wouldn't be kind and civil in running across her, but I didn't want HER to feel uncomfortable or like I was invading her territory. As it turned out though, I had nothing to worry about because she wasn't there. Others in the group also interact with her, as they should! She offers many great things to people, it's just that we don't mix well. 

The group was small, which made it less overwhelming for me! Two facilitators and three of us attendees. Everyone was very kind, and of course I cried, and then another person cried, and then finally another person cried. It was held outside on a beautiful piece of property, and the weather was just perfect! I am working on getting back to daily care, even just something that takes moments. I guess with everything packed up, I see that as a barrier or obstacle. Maybe it's the monkey brain I have now with everything going?  The older I get, the harder it gets to focus. 

We sat in a circle, we each pulled a tarot card and after introducing ourselves, we read our cards aloud. It was beautiful to see how each one reflected the life moments and energies and of each of us! It was so refreshing to be reminded that I am not alone, that there are others out there that think and feel the same way, are questioning the same things, but are willing to come together in that search even if just for a couple of hours. I found myself repeatedly feeling awkward about talking and sharing, only because I felt like I was taking up too much time and taking away from the others. I am sure that is a trauma response. Once we shared and pulled our cards, we also did a bit of relaxation techniques and yoga, then a sound bath. I had dozens of little sweat bees (hoverflies) landing on me, and while I love them, the tickling while laying down with my eyes closed made it hard to let go completely. Silly little insects! But my card was the Four of Cups. Hitting on emotional stability, safety, getting my needs met, etc. in the top right corner of my card was a sideways 69, but when looking at the card upright, it looks like the Pisces fish. I am a Pisces. I also need to delve more into the numbers 4, 6, 9, and 15 (the combination of 6 and 9). Also, notice: 6 + 9= 15. 5+1=6. 5-1= 4. So fascinating!

Certain senses of mine are starting to heighten as I slowly release the stress and trauma. I was outside pulling weeds and noticed a flutter out of the corner of my eye. I recognized that flutter, and especially since I didn't see a butterfly perched on the end of the branch, I knew it was going to be a mantis. But what kind? Of course, the non-native Chinese Mantis.

I also found another cicada. This one was on its back as well, like the one I found on a hike some weeks ago. 

Woodchuck is tackling the workshop in bits and pieces. It must be so hard for him to be gone from home for nearly 12 hours and then come home and do stuff like this. Most recently, he painted the workshop ceiling, and aside from getting paint on the floor and furniture that was supposed to be covered, I think he did a great job 😂 He just has to cut in around the edges, but honestly? The color is SO close to what was up there, it's hardly noticeable if he doesn't get it done.

We managed to remember to go for a walk one evening when he got home. That seems to be the best time to get it done, though I prefer after dinner. Walk off the food, aid the digestion, get closer to the time of dusk....which is one of my favorite times of day! But any time going for a walk is better than not going at all. The cottonwoods are dropping leaves, as are other trees.

On our most recent trip to the land, I was grateful for the reduced humidity and comfortable breezes. 

I worked my way over to the wildflower patch, taking everything in as I went.

I pulled some QAL, and cut and treated some Autumn Olive, and broke out into the open prairie.

I am hoping to collect milkweed seed this year!  Normally I leave them, but these are in an area that will get completely cleared of vegetation and then likely treated with an herbicide, all done by a professional. I want to be able to save the seeds for future planting elsewhere to make up for the loss here, as well as pass some along to others who don't have any.

The thistle are super tall and blooming right now, much to the delight of the butterflies.

The Boneset exploded this year! I couldn't believe how much I could see from the otherside of the ditch!

There are SO many of these clovers this year! Originally just seen on the watershed, I am seeing them on the prairie now. Lespedeza Captitata, Roundhead bushclover. Native.

Lespedeza Virginica, slender bushclover. Native.

With Woodchucks help, we were finally able to clean up the wildflower patch! Since we didn't have enough cages and cut coffee cans to protect all of the plants from the weed whacker, we would do a section, then pull some of the cans and cages and put those over another section, weed whack, and then work that way down the line until it was done. Once I have enough cans to protect all of the plants, it won't take as long! And then once the plants are established here,  it will be easier to know where they are and work around them. The hope is to eventually transplant some of them around the house next year. 

When I was walking up to this spot, I spotted a hawk in the trees above. So I stopped and watched it for quite awhile before it flew down to the marshy area to catch lunch, and then off into the trees.

The perfect kind of day to be outside!

Once we got back home, we were still in work mode! Unfortunately, that almost came to a screeching halt when Woodchuck got his finger caught in a metal clasp on the shed and really needed stitches, but refused. He put up new trim around his woodshop door.

We got some new wood stained and hung across the bottom of the side of the shed where it's starting to rot and curl a bit. Since we don't know what the next owners will want to do with this shed, use it, fix it, start over; we figured this would be a good move for now.

               I love how the patio looks at this time of year, I just wish we could enjoy it more! 

Well. At least someone/thing is enjoying the patio and canopy! Orb Weaver

As the full moon draws closer, I look out the window every night before bed to see it.

Little by little, I am pulling weeds (again) from the garden area, and digging up the chives that we stupidly planted a couple of decades ago when we didn't know any better! It gave me a chance though to see some new fungi.

I have been better this week taking time to myself. To sit outside and listen to nature, to boost my vitamin D levels, which I already feel tanking with Summer loosening its grip, and to also let my nervous system wind down. Some days are easier than others to take these moments.

I apparently was in the territory of this tiny little jumping spider! Its home was in the big planter pot that I had my legs up on. What a cutie! They have most adorable little faces!

We managed to finally close the construction loan process with the bank this past week. Right up to the time the notary walked out of our door, there was dysfunction, unprofessionalism, and conflicting information with all parties concerned. We are hoping to find out more this coming week about the next steps. There are a lot of markets that I want to attend or vend at between now and the end of the year, but I have no idea if I am going to be in the thick of building, contractors, inspections, moving, etc. In the meantime, I am literally giddy, observing the natural world around me. What a blessing, what a miracle that life is.

I love watching squirrels, especially when they are burying/unburying the acorns. This cutie has a unique tail. Thin, fringed in white the whole way up and down the sides and tip. She stopped and took some drinks from the water dish that I leave out for birds and insects....and squirrels. I say "she", though she was a bit too far away for me to tell for sure.

Closer to the Full Moon

I am trying really hard to remember to watch where I am walking. I recently caught the anchor thread on an orb weaver web, but the builder was tucked up under the upper deck in the shade and was unharmed. I went outside the next morning and she had fixed her web to look exactly how it did before I accidentally set it loose. This other web however, has been in the same spot for a few days now. It is an orbweaver as well. I had to take the canopy top off recently and drop the frame lower, and was surprised to find that the web wasn't anchored to it! One of its anchor lines was attached to the ground on the patio and now has a leaf stuck to it and is fluttering around 😍

For my self-care time-outs, I have been using this adorable basket a friend got me! I think it was supposed to be an Easter basket, but it's too cute to not use now. So I load it up with my projects and snacks and water, and head outside. It makes me feel very free and almost child-like to lay out a sheet on the grass, light some incense, and read a book. I feel like I am having a picnic, having "play time" outside that doesn't involve the adult work that I do to care for the land. In a way, it has been very freeing and healing to my inner child.

It feels good to be able to enjoy the yard and what we work so hard on to call ours. There have been large swathes of time where I hide out inside of my home because of the people around us.

And the moon is finally full! Not only was it a full moon, but also a partial Lunar Eclipse! I had planned on stepping outside under it at bedtime, but someone was burning close by and it was too hard to breathe. So I stuck my arm out the front door, snapped some shots, and gave thanks. This was before the eclipse started, so I never got to see it.

Pierogi the cat woke me up around 4:15 a.m. the next day to remind me that I am close to missing the moon as it lit up my side of the bed. I threw up the shade and laid in the moonlight.

Even Pierogi took some time to watch, until I accidentally scared her by knocking something off of the nightstand. 🙀

I was filled with such a deep sorrow, feeling myself sliding into depression. I cried, and cried, and cried. I let myself feel the responsibility of the some revelations made, gave in to the heartbreak enough to finally let it all out. Laying there crying, I thought this was it, that I needed to overall my entire life; but I know better than to act on that when I am feeling that way. Sit with it, roll it around in my head, than take another look. I was gentle with myself all day, literally doing nothing this day but just be. I was sad to see the moon go, sad to not be able to see it turn colors as the sun rose up to greet it. I imagined the moon and sun doing a bit of a dancing bow to each other as each took their rightful place.

                                                        The sun coming up in the East

The moon disappearing in the West

I finished the wolf cross-stitch and got it ready for framing. I love a crisply ironed stitched piece! It makes me feel good to finish these kinds of things around the house instead of always doing chores.

I went ahead and set up a new project for evening work while watching t.v. I think my sister got me this kit as a gift? But I glean so much along the way that I can't remember for sure.

As we head into a new week, and a whole new month, the calendar shows things being a bit more manageable. Now that construction can start, I am sure that will change. 😂Stay tuned!!! 

Back to normal?

 I put a question mark at the end of that title because is there a normal? Is what we perceive as normal really normal?  I know I feel anything but normal these days. I suppose someone's normal could be someone else's abnormal. But for all intents and purposes, we have come back to what is our normal. The power is on, the food has been sifted through to get rid of anything that didn't hold up, I can now walk into a room and turn on the lightswitch. Our usual once a week trip to the land is starting to feel different. There's a touch of Fall that I can feel, there's the knowing that by the end of this year, we will be living out there. I still occasionally worry that I will grow bored with it once it's mine every day. Ah yes, the way the brain behaves.

On our most recent trip out there, Woodchuck mowed while I started on the watershed to finish pulling the Queen Anne's Lace (which I will refer to as QAL in the rest of this post because I find it cumbersome to type out the whole name.) We are at the time of year when the grasses are taller than I am (which is 5 foot), and the vegetation is thick and aggressive. But I love it and it fosters such amazing smells when they heat up with the sun. I don't know what any of these grasses are, and so I don't know if they are bad. I really wonder how much it will change what I know and what I can get done once we are living out there.

This colorful insect is a Ailanthus Webworm which is a moth! Apparently, it looks like a beetle when not in flight, like in this photo, but when flying it resembles a wasp! It is not originally from this area, but from the American tropics where it's host tree is. Here it has adapted to live and feed on the Ailanthus Altissima, which is.....the dreaded Tree of Heaven. The patterns on this remind of small white flowers and something out of the 1970's.

I checked out the area of grapevines that we grafted and rooted from ours here at home, and to cut and treat a juvenile TOH. I remembered that there is usually a Garden Spider around that area, so I made sure to look before I walked through each spot. Indeed it was there, but it had moved from where I saw it last. They are beautiful, and normally very docile, but this girl was fierce and fast! I don't usually get creeped out much by spiders, but she was so fast, I kept my distance and got the creepy crawlies. No pun intended! This is Woodchucks favorite spider and he has a tattoo of one (though it is not correct and the quality is disappointing). This is the underside of her, I couldn't get around her web and vegetation without disturbing her and potentially damaging her web, to see her topside.

I was pleased to find that some of the grape plants are doing well! My idea was to leave all of the other plants and vegetation that grew up around them, so they could provide moisture/humidity, as well as shade. While not all of the grape plants survived the grafting, the ones that did are very healthy. The others may surprise us and bounce back next Spring. I have seen time and time again where something laid dormant, looked completely fried and dead, only for it come alive in the right timing. We will leave the vegetation to die off naturally and then mow around them and put the deer fencing back up. I can tell though that deer are getting inside of the fencing and bedding down. I may have to rethink this set-up next year. We may have to go up higher with the fencing or use a caged in scenario instead.

The Stinging Nettle is blooming, and still very stingy.

The jewelweed is reaching taller and taller, putting its luscious color out there for the pollinators.

Back out to the watershed I go. It looks even more grown and alive since I was out here less than week before. Man, we could learn so much plants about our own personal growth. It's nice to see the sun, and there's a slight breeze for awhile, but the humidity is still high enough that I am already dripping sweat.

The Ironweed is now blooming for us, though we don't have a lot of it.

The Big Blue Stem grass is living up to its name! It is WELL over my head!

Waves of yellow all over the place, like the sun is dropping babies to us here on the ground. 

A path never felt more right to travel than this one.

I am just now realizing, by catching sight of the leaves, that we have more than one light purple plant growing on the land.

I enjoy watching the bees go crazy over the flowers!

A pop of another color is always refreshing!

The primrose are standing tall and proud

I forgot the flags to try and protect the lead plant from the mower, so I did my best to tie it up. I know that even if it gets mowed down, the roots will still be there, but I just can't handle the thought of it getting chopped. I will take the flags out next time.

The Fallopia is back and starting to get its seeds. I still don't know if this one is native or not, but I believe this species is not. I believe it is Fallopia Convolvulus, Black Bindweed, and even though Woodchuck says he has fun pulling this stuff, it doesn't seem like he has any intentions of doing so with me. I pulled what I could just off of the path, but will need to get back out there.

I am enjoying seeing all of the life around me.

This agrimony is absolutely everywhere, so much so that I was kind of getting worried that might be too aggressive for the other native plants. I saw in a plant group where someone was pulling it from their flower beds, so maybe it depends on where it's growing at?

This large mushie was covered in dirt and dead grass debris. I am sure that it got mowed over, but I gently wiped it off and thanked it for being here.

I noticed that tops of the pines on the watershed are dead. I did some research and it turns out that it is likely a White Pine Weevil. I need to take off this portion of the tree and dispose of it so that they don't spread. One more thing to add to the list.

I groaned "Noooooo" out loud when I saw this one. Soapwort. I have it in the treeline at home and it is SO hard to get rid of. I wonder if I transferred it here by accident from my boots. I made a mental note to try and dig it out and make sure to get all of the rhizome. I might need to do a very direct spot treatment as well. I do not want this stuff spreading. It is called Soapwort (many other names too) because it foams and back in the day, people actually used it for washing stuff. It smells very sweet, and to me like Jasmine.

I made the mental note while I was out there to get another look at what was identified as a Partridge Pea, but left some room open for it to be something else. I caught it blooming!

What a beautiful day to be out here exploring, stewarding the land. I feel less alone out here.

Today's bouquet of horrors. Fox Tail grass and fallopia. I also had a lot of QAL, but that got bagged right up.

I went back to the Garden Spider on my way to another project area to see if I could catch her in a different position to see her top side. I wonder if that white blob is her egg sac and maybe that is why she isn't as chill as I've seen them previously.

The Arrow-leaved tearthumb is growing and flowering. Native.

I try to get back to the wildflowers with a new plan. Woodchuck has been bringing his empty coffee cans home from work. I figured this might be a good way to temporarily protect the plants so I can weed whack and mow around them. He told me he had 30 cans to bring home....but that ended up being a stretch. He had no more than 11 and didn't tell me until after I was well into this project. If I had known he didn't have that many, I would have gone another way. My frustration and disappointment with the people around me is compounding these days. I will figure it out though like I do everything else.

Spotted Bee Balm

Anise Hyssop

I think I caught a private moment!

A Eumenes Fraternus, a species of Potter Wasp.

Some sort of Butterfly Pea?

On my way to some testing (an EMG, in fact. Not fun, not fun at all.), I stopped and bought something from Marketplace. I rarely do that, this may be my second time? I showed this listing to my friend, thinking it was her aesthetic and would look great in her new home, but she didn't move forward with the purchase. So I bought it! I am thinking about using these things in my sewing/art room at the new house. An anti-fatigue mat and some matching contact paper. I am in LOVE with it! Just $10. I think I am going to eventually paint the sewing room a gray color, but I am nowhere near deciding anything about wall colors or if we are even going to paint. Honestly, Woodchuck is the messiest painter ever and I can't trust him to paint anymore without getting it everywhere, even with tarps. I honestly don't have the emotional or mental capacity to deal with that at the new place.

Now with the air back on, Pierogi has become much more comfortable with snuggles. This has to be one of my favorite pictures of her!

We are continuing to get stuff done around the house, as long as it doesn't involve painting outside, because of the weather, lol. I put a fresh cover of this awesome contact paper under the sink. I love it so much that I might put under the one upstairs too! I got two new rolls of this years ago when I worked at the resale shop and was saving it for the new house, but no issues using a little bit of here :) Woodchuck has started painting the workshop ceiling and will move on to the one wall this week that he needs to sand and paint. Unfortunately, even though tarps were down, he got paint all of the floor out there. Hence, no painting at the new house 😂 I also need to figure out how to clean the adhesive on the white strip at the base of this cabinet. Over the years the adhesive has seeped out and dirt and dust is sticking to it and it looks dirty. I might have some sort of Goo Be Gone that I can try. I also got a bit more of touch up painting done inside in the living room and kitchen. I need to finish the living room over the next couple of days to stay on track.  

Today is Sunday and as recent as Friday, the bank was back and forth with us. In the morning we got the "congratulations! Your loan has been approved and is ready for closing!" Only to get contacted later that afternoon that we can't close without ANOTHER (!!!) VOE (verification of employment) for Woodchuck. So the plan right now is to close on the loan this coming Wednesday, but honestly, I am taking things one day at a time and I am also not allowing myself to get excited about any of it--much to the dismay of Woodchuck. No way, no how. I am getting my head on straight and out of the clouds, my eyes on the prize, my fierceness ready to weild, and I will be excited once it is all done and I am living out there. We thought the contractors were going to be the most frustrating part, but if that's the case and they are worse than this last 5 months has been trying to secure a construction loan, then I need to stay steadfast. Stay tuned!